my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
where am i from again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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