i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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