I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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