Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
