"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
