Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
