hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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