i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize