The maid of honor just puked.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
