Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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