She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
