During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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