Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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