We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
