I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
