Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
being pregnant is like rehab
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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