Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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