It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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