Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize