I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
