Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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