its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
