I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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