What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
