Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
