this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
only you would photoshop your dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
