I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
