I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
