i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
