I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
