Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize