She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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