Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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