I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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