I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
