i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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