I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
