i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
