Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
