Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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