I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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