Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
