Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hippo gnu deer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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