at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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