someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
