My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
