I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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