so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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