im gay
i know
yea but for you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
