I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
