note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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