quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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