You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
