Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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