im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
