Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
