Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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