The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
