So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
