The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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