It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
