I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
