And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
