There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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