I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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