watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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