I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
