You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
