It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
