I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
