i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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