Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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