I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
