So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize