I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
