the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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