Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
