Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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