we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
