You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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