This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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