I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
