I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
