Umm I'm too high to move.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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