just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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