The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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