he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im part way to drunk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
