I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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