Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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