I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
