I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize