Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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