dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
