I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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