They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
