Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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