I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
