He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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