ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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